Another day with the emergency phone at work, and I'm answering calls from users in dire need of technical assistance. This morning I've been very tired, but still, I strive to keep my professional courtesy and skills up and running. What follows is a transcript of today's most odd call.

I: IT Department, Ni-- User [practically sing-shouting]: Hello! I: Hello, this is Niklas speak-- U [shouting]: Hello! I [raising my voice]: Hello, can you he-- U: Hey there, ya know, it sounds like you're shouting!

The user then launched into laughter for five seconds. Funny.

I [having regained my normal volume]: What can I do for you? U [whispering]: So you're sure you're hearing this? I: Very well, thank you. So, what seems to be the problem? U [after a five second pause, from hereon sounding like a human being]: Well...the server's unreachable. I: Which server do you mean? U: I don't know!

The user now laughed for another few seconds.

I: Well, what seems to be the matter? U: Matter, matter...matter! Oh, oh, the server just gives me the triangle.

[t this point I felt like I was being subjected to a test, where my boss wanted to find out if I were professional or not]

I: I'm sorry, but you have to be more specific; are you using an application or are you using a web-based system? U: Ha, web-based. Web-based. Everything's web-based now, huh. I: OK, so you're using Internet Explorer, right? U: I think so, I think so. I think so. I: What's the name of the system you're using? U: [the name of the system] I: I see. I'm going to connect to your computer using remote control-- U: Remote control, remote control. I: ...yes, remote control. I'll be able to see what-- U: Yes, yes, yes. I: What is the name of the computer you've logged into? U: Ha! The one at home, or the one at...wooork? Ha! I: The one at work, please.

[the user gives me the name of the computer, but I'm unable to connect to it; my spider-senses were tingling at this point]

I: I'm not able to connect to your computer, so I'm wondering: is the computer on? U: No, oh no! Not at all. I: I see; the best thing would be if you're able to troubleshoot this problem while at work, so that we-- U: OK, I'll call you first thing when I'm back at work, ha! I: Very well, thank you for calling! U: Bye, ha!