Some of the dialogues have been cut-off to prevent extreme amounts of typing, where everything has turned Monty Python-esque.

"The peculiar problem"

User: "Oh, hello! I've got a problem that's really three problems. How would you like to hear about them?" I: "...Hello! I'd like to hear about them in a...logical order, if there is one." U: "Hahaha, well, we'll get to that soon enough [=the user's stress of the word]." I: "Oh, so how may I help you?" U: "Well, the pop-up that should be there isn't there." I: "What is the name of your computer? I'm asking, as I'd like to connect to your computer in order to see the error." U: "But there is no error, didn't you know that already?" I: "I...well, you said a pop-up screen that should be somewhere, isn't, and I thought that would be an error." U: "Oh, no! The pop-up just isn't there." I: "Oh. So what seems to be the problem?" U: "Well, the pop-up isn't there."

"The understanding"

User: "Hello! It is my understanding that the printers I use should work slow, is that the truth?" I: "Hello! Well, only if they're as slow as the rest of the printers we all use; I wouldn't call them slow, though." U: "I see. How slow should they be?" I: "As slow as normal printers should be, if you put it that way." U: "I understand. Thank you!" I: "Thank you, good-bye!"

"Can't be forbidden!"

User: "Hello! I'm trying to listen to audio from the web-site of Rädda Barnen, but something seems wrong, can you help me?" I: "Hello! Well, the problem may be because you are trying to open a media file that requires a specific media player that you do not have installed in your computer; we prohibit a few media players, as they are not secure enough."

[a moment passes, during which I connect to the user's computer, and gets to see exactly what the user is trying to do]

I: "Aha, you are trying to open a RealPlayer file. This program is prohibited, so you cannot view this file." U: "OK, so how do I get to see it?" I: "You cannot. We prohibit the media player required to open it." U: "You prohibit the media player required to open this video file, that I need to open as part of my duty?" I: "Exactly. This prohibition was enforced by a board, which means we cannot let users play any file requiring RealPlayer, as the software has been deemed not secure enough." U: "So how do I open it?" I: "You cannot. As I said, we prohibit the installation and use of the media player required to open it. Should you feel that you must open the material, please contact the producer and ask them to convert it to a Windows Media Video format." U: "But it's audio." I: "...but you told me it's a video file, that you wanted to see it." U: "Yeah, but it's audio." I: "Is the file you're trying to access an audio, a video file or a video file that contains both?" U: "I don't know."

[the person was, after a moment of clarity, asked to contact the producers of said film/audio clip/whateva]

"The printer"

User: "Hello, my name is X. My colleague told me you could fix the printer." I: "Hello! I hope I can, so please, tell me what's wrong." U: "Don't you know what's wrong?" I: "...no, because you haven't told me yet." U: "Oh, I see. Well, everything hangs." I: "Is there a program that han--" U: "The printer! The printer!" I: "..." U: "There's something wrong with the printer." I: "I understand, but you're mentioning a program that hangs. Can you be more specific? Does this have anything to do with a printer, and--" U: "Yes, yes, yes, yes." I: "...and in that case, what?" U: "The printer, that's what's wrong."

[incredibly, I successfully ended this call after a mere five minutes]