OK, I must confess I still believe, still believe that the text below was submitted by yours truly for the lovely gentlepeople that helm the Johnny Marrvellous site, as they're making a fanzine for the release of "Playland", Johnny's coming second solo album. My submission was rejected but here it is in all its non-glory for you to delve into. So, without further ado...

When I first pondered what to write about for the zine, my initial thought wasn’t about how “Last Night I Dreamt” and “There Is A Light” changed my life, nor of how Johnny’s interest in books has spread throughout my own literary life, but of the very first thing that struck me as I laid eyes on him for the very first time: the hair.

So, naturally, here’s a tome about Johnny’s hair and how it’s changed through the years. And what a journey it has been!

Johnny and Rob Allman, White Dice.

A very early incarnation of Johnny’s hair while he played with White Dice, before starting The Smiths with Morrissey. An inventive person would say that the sheer thickness of Johnny’s hair displayed a wealth of opportunities, while a more critical person would say he’d mostly been paying attention to his guitar, his music and, well, possibly picking out that t-shirt. Or it could just as well have been a calculated homage to Keith Richards and punk.

From The Smiths’ debut album.

While it’s impossible to know if Johnny had shorn his hair in the back for this pic, it’s apparent that he’s focusing on catching his hair, should it fall off at any minute.

Johnny on TV. Apparently shorter hair but notably much more risque!

Still keeping the fringe long and whirly. Oh, the days when volume ruled.

Behold - the high-held mop top, the love child spawned from a tryst between Diana Ross and Keith Richards! Still disguising the eyes while giving off a 1980s do that makes you wonder if the hair’s real or a wig - in the best possible way, of course.

Could be a bed-head version of the previous picture.

Sunglasses have always come and gone from Johnny, and he looks good in them, but with certain hair styles...he almost eclipsed Morrissey here, bar the 1980s schoolboy dos that Mike and Andy sport. Even Andy looks incredulous here.

While Moz is trying to own this shot, Johnny bombs it through means of style, placement and...a preppy yuppie hair.

Other times, he just preferred a flowy, suave hair to a black leather look. Good cop? Bad cop? Johnny gives you both in one blow.

More rockabilly for the ages...

Johnny’s current hair style did rear its head back in the day.

Let’s not speak of the accessories, nor of Morrissey’s mood, but Johnny’s obviously hair-dressed to kill.

The Lazy Sunday look.

I’ll give Johnny the benefit of my doubt as he surely knew that The Pretenders weren’t a boy-band outfit, but it seems that Chrissie got the memo. He later repeated that hair while in The The, but not blond.

On the other hand, it seems that Mr. Marr later got back in spades with the above look, as though Oasis had influenced him.

During Electronic, short shorn and minimalistic.

The Boomslang era made the parted front return!

At least Johnny was happy.

Reader meets author.

Today, things are different; Johnny’s sported the above look for a while now, and it’s integrated a bit before he kickstarted his solo career. A bit mod, a nod to Paul Weller perhaps, but ready.

All clean-cut, it's the Marr of today.