How do I count the ways?

I've always had a penchant for trying to make the impossible happen. For instance, despite being unable to read sheet music or even properly understand some computer software required to make music, I've tried to; I had to. Much in the same way I can't help trying to explain how much I love X.

I'd leap in front of any flying bullet. I'd love to. I just wish I could explain, even for a single per cent, how much I love her, and why.

I wish I could have it in me to let my fingers touch the keyboard, generate clicks and channel the yearning into electronic words, published for everybody to see. That I could somehow let her know of the frustrating thunder I feel from the anxious steps I take while homebound after every work-day is done; I'd love to show her exactly how it feels as if my face goes flush red when She looks at me while smiling through a crowded room. How my legs falter and the breath quickens. How my heart balloons with each breath she takes. How she walks in slow motion and I feel I want to walk beside her forever.

I'd trade nearly anything for being able to let X step inside me and know how much I love her. But I can't. And yet I still try, using words.

And maybe trying too hard will end up being just that, too hard, right? I don't think everything can be said with words.

That leaves me nervous. I don't want to scratch that itch too much! Still I want to tell her. I want her to know how her touch is the softest caress, how her words in the night comfort, how her words instill me with feelings of love, desire, respect, courage, dreams and wishes.

I admire her. I do. God, I wish I could translate the feelings, the explosions of light, the tickles of not knowing what's to come, of ruptures, of slowly moving lava and the brush of her hand moving underneath a pillow, scorching through every layer of my being. It just so happens that my heart turns into mush every time-- and there I go again. Stop it!

I quake as I'm writing this because of my inadequacy with properly shaping the words because it's like trying to review the blinding ethereal in two words. Sunlight in a jar, yet again. But I'll just shut up now, and at the same time, I'll never shut up. I'll shut up now.