Yesterday, Mikaela and I went to see "National Treasure", a film that looked to be in the vein of the Indiana Jones films with a commercial touch of the recent madness regarding conspiracy theories.

Nicholas Cage acts a man whose family has been searching for a treasure, hidden by a group of freemasons of whom a load signed the declaration of independence. Or should I say, of his family only the men have been searching. The women are nowhere, but hey, this is an adventure film in the vein of Indiana Jones! Anyway, the whereabouts of the treasure is to be found by following a lot of clues left by said freemasons. Cage sets of as an adventurer "in the vein of", by heading to the North Pole with a few followers, to see if they can find the treasure or a new clue.

Well there, they find [spoiler straight ahead here, people, so just skip to the next paragraph to skip all spoilers you'll find about this film] a little seaman's pipe with a clue on. Cage, "much in the vein of" the character Matt Damon played in "Good Will Hunting", solves the clue in an instant and realises the next clue is written on the back of the declaration of independence and that they'll probably have to steal it to get it. Oh yeah. Sean Bean's character, a wealthy man who financed this ordeal to the North Pole, says that'll be no problem, but as this is a Touchstone production turned Disney by commercial reasons, Nicholas Cage says that it's unethical and that it shouldn't be done as it's, as he later in the film points out, "one of the most important historical documents in the world". Well, no, not really. It's not. Come on! I can direct a pointer dog to a bongload of more important documents. At this stage Bean realises he doesn't need Cage, tries to kill him along with a "funny sidekick" who stays with Cage for the rest of this nightmare of video and audio, and, of course, fails miserably. I won't kill you by telling the rest of the film, but it involves idiocy, nationalism to the extreme (and don't forget to catch the Disney-esque part where Cage adds that the declaration of independence should give the good guys the right to unilaterally protect countries that seemingly don't protect themselves) and more of Indiana Jones' "veins" being nailed to a door; e.g. Cage's father turns up, a brown-clad Cage swings around avoiding mortal perils and, oh yeah, saves a woman.

It's a shit film. Don't see it. It's an insult to intelligence and another quick buck for the right-winged conservative Disney corporation (mind you, they're the ones who actually pay Newt Gingrich to pollute the American airwaves with his lying radio show). Sure, I love adventure films like the Indiana Jones-trilogy, "The Mummy" (which also "loans" a lot from the Indy films, but tongue-in-cheek) and even the last Harry Potter film (don't slay me yet) but I'm not paying for them (except for the Indy DVD box, slay me now) but this is just bollocks. The dog's bollocks? No, not even those.