09:25

Am writing this as I'm waiting for the exam to start, together in a waiting-hall with about 30 others about 18 years old. Most are tangibly nervous, clicking pens, et.c.

I just had my picture taken in an automatic booth. I haven't had a hair-cut in two months and forgot that what was snapped today will end up in my future driver's license. The fifth Beatle crossed with a yeti is a fair description, but I'm happy, as this means I'm consequent in all my pictures the state has of me. I'll scan my ID-picture later.

I feel that if I manage this, i.e. I get through this lauded, I'll be OK. Otherwise, a month is likely to pass before I get the chance to do another test and that would do me in. Stress. Near-panic sets in. Everybody else here seems quite calm. Youths, used to tests from school. So what? I've got effing experience and have studied the book four times over. The last five computer-aided tests I've done at home passed me. We'll see! Show-time, bitches.

11:30

I failed. Two points more, out of a total of 65 points, and I would have passed. Well, well. Next time, and all. Fuck this. I felt so bad I had to leave for home and report sick at work. I couldn't have worked anyway even if I'd been there. There's a last-minute-phone-number one can call to try and book another exam, should somebody not pop up for it. I'll see if that's possible.

13:30

Having felt shit for appx. two hours I've now eaten and come to terms with the fucking bad feeling having failed the exam has brought, but considering what my life has been like for the past two months, it's really not that very difficult; work, personal life, studying for the driver's license-exam and also going a lot to driving-school (costing me a mere fortune) - it's all had its toll on me. At this rate I'm working so hard and so much unpaid over-time that I have to realise facts, i.e. that a) I've never worked this hard before and b) I've got to cut myself some slack and try and pat myself on the back (as that's most likely not going to come from my manager, anyway).

Fuck this. I'm going to watch Sarah Silverman's new program and then maybe cry more. Oh, reliable unstability.